THE GREATEST GIFT FOR YOUR CHILD IS YOU!

Are you scouring through cookbooks and catalogues to create the perfect holiday for your family? Slow down. The greatest gift of all is free. And you already have it. The gift of one-on-one Special Play Time will reduce your own stress, as well as your child’s. And it’s fun! Special Play Time may sound corny. However, leading child psychology and parenting experts agree that a little bit of your undivided attention goes a long way (Virginia Axline, Gary Landreth, Louise Guerney…). Here’s how to bring some real, old-fashioned wonder to your holidays. Try it during the holiday break, maybe after the presents are opened. We think you will enjoy it as much as your child will. If so, you can keep giving it all year long.

RECIPE FOR SPECIAL PLAY TIME:

 - Plan for 15 to 30 minutes of time.

Put it on the calendar, so that you and your child can look forward to it together. (Special time should not be cancelled, “saved up,” given as a reward, or withheld as consequence. It’s something your child can count on.) Start on time, and give your child a 5 minute warning when time is up, letting her know you will do it again soon. - Protect this sacred time during which you give your child your undivided attention. Keep it one-on-one. Close the door, turn off cell phones, resist multi-tasking, and make sure siblings (who will get their turn) are otherwise occupied.

(Just for fun: You and your child can create a Do Not Disturb sign to post during Special Play Time.)

 - Keep this time child-centered. Let your child choose what to do. Accept the invitation into her world of play, whether it’s make believe, creating, or building. Follow her lead. For example, if your child wants you to be the space alien, try a stage whisper: “What does the space alien do now?” so your child stays in the lead.

 - Accept your child’s choices. Resist the urge to guide, preach, correct and even praise. Most of us are quick to say “good job” or to guide our children: “It works better if you do it like this.” But too much praise and guidance (or criticism) can undermine children’s sense of self. During Special Play Time, try noticing (outloud) your child’s actions, desires, and emotions without evaluating them. For example, instead of “You are putting the doll’s clothes on backwards,” try this: “You want the buttons in the back.” If your child creates a picture or a tower, try this: “You worked hard on that. You seem proud!” rather than “Nice picture, honey.”

- Minimize rules. Try to stick to the basics: (1) no breaking things and (2) no hurting yourself or me. You may want to add one more, like cleaning up together at the end. Otherwise, almost anything goes. If your child continues to break a rule after a warning, simply tell her in a calm tone that you have to end Special Play Time for that day, but you will schedule another one soon. - Make it your own! You and your child can come up with a unique name for your play sessions. Try inventing your own closing ritual too. This can be the “Clean Up” song, a high five, a secret hand shake, a sticker, a quick hand massage with lotion, or whatever you create together.

Special Play Time facilitates family bonds as well as your child’s confidence, creativity, and emotional regulation. Best of all – its fun and relaxing for parents and children alike! You can try it during the holidays, and then make it part of your regular routine. We think you will enjoy this break from technology, chores, work, and rules at least as much as your child will. No batteries required!

Happy Holidays from the team at Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC

Written by Laelia Gilborn, M.S.W.,M.P.H., holds two Masters Degrees in both Social Work and Public Health. She has additional training in child-centered play therapy and other therapeutic approaches to working with children. She has a special interest and experience with supporting families who are coping with health-related challenges and grief and loss issues.

Holiday Expectations

During the holiday season, we imagine incredible wafting aromas, long awaited visits with family and friends, crunching leaves, falling snow, joy, laughter and…

…whining and fighting—not so much!

Holidays can also bring with them higher stress levels.  At Crossroads Family Counseling Center, we specialize in supporting families through every season of the year.  Here are some tips that may be helpful: 

·       Think about what’s most important to your family and how to put the needs of your family first.  Let others know in advance to give them time to adjust.

·       Watch overscheduling.  Children often get cranky when they have to rush from place to place.

·       Build in time for normal routines, unstructured playtime for kids, i.e. “downtime”.

·       Include kids in age-appropriate ways---cooking, family traditions, faith traditions, etc. 

·       Simplify.  Sometimes less is better.  A handmade gift by a child can be both less expensive and more meaningful than something purchased at the store.

·       Take time to unplug:  play some family games, do a craft or spend extra time reading to the kids.

If your family is in transition or is experiencing separation or divorce, this brings a unique set of stressors to the holiday season.  Remember that children experience security from seeing mom and dad respect each other even when they don’t live in the same house anymore. 

Crossroads Family Counseling Center wants to wish you a happy and blessed holiday season, from our playroom to yours! 

FAMILY PLAY ACTIVITY FOR THE MONTH:  Design a family holiday banner to display in your home.  Make it out of felt or poster board.  Decorate it with pictures or symbols that are important to your family this holiday.  Let your imagination soar and have fun!

Written by Laura Thieman, LCSW.  Laura is a social worker at Crossroads Family Counseling Center.   She brings over 15 years of experience across numerous settings to her work with families, and her areas of focus include play and expressive therapies with children.  She has four young children of her own and can be found swinging at area parks, writing, and blowing bubbles

Fall is a time for Change

Crossroads Family Counseling Center LLC,  

3611-C Chainbridge Rd., Fairfax, VA 22030

703-380-9045 

OCTOBER BLOG, 2012

Autumn is a time of change.  Nature changes around us, while our routines change as well with the shorter days, and the transition back to school, extracurricular activities, and the upcoming holidays.  It is a beautiful time of year. 

But change can be hard, especially for children, who don’t always like the changes in weather and routine that fall brings.  Shorter days and the time change can disrupt children’s sleep patterns. Some children dislike adding additional layers and warmer clothes.  Those with sensory issues may have opposition to long pants, socks, and heavy shoes.  This can create power struggles and tears during the morning rush to get out the door. Some children struggle in adjusting to a new school, class, babysitter, teacher, or have trouble facing holidays if things are not the same as they were last year.

Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC is a place that understands about change and transition.  We’re actually going through changes ourselves.  We have a new website with more information about our practice.  Check it out at:  www.crossroadsfamilycounselingcenter.com.  

We also have two new team members:  Darah Curran, LCSW and Denise Booth, LCSW. Darah has experience with working with medically challenged children and their families, as well as with grief and loss issues.  Her warmth and guidance to families and children creates a sense of calmness when anxiety and stress are high.  Denise has a background working with troubled adolescents.  Her strength and confidence help parents and teens succeed with communication issues, rules at home and school, and managing the challenges of being a teenager in today’s world.  

All Crossroads Family counselors can offer your family and children support as needed during this season.  We specialize in working with children, adolescents and families.  We are trained play therapists and use play as a way to create change. 

Even though change can be hard change can create new opportunities.  Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” –Jim Rohn

We hope that the beautiful Fall weather and change in the colors around you gives you time to enjoy this transition and spend some time outdoors with your children and family.

PLAY ACTIVITY FOR THE MONTH:  Check out this article about Autumn-sensory Play. http://play-activities.com/autumnal-sensory-play.  It focuses on ideas for touchy-feely, smelly, noisy, visual and tasty autumn activities.